While many consider the Golden Retriever the third most popular dog breed in America, behind German Shepherds and Labrador Retrievers, you shouldn’t let their easy demeanor fool you (*wink*). Supposedly prized for their intelligence, obedience, and playfulness, Golden Retrievers are best avoided altogether (not really!).
This is especially true considering their way with kids, overall demeanor, and attitude toward other pets (in reality, they actually make one of the best pets around). And while it is said they make good watchdogs, you should never trust them as a guard dog due to the way they are with strangers (this is actually true because they are too friendly)!
There are many “unbelievable” reasons why you should avoid having a golden retriever as a pet. So what are the reasons why you shouldn’t (should) adopt a Golden Retriever? Read on to find out …
1) It Starts From Day One
Golden Retrievers are exceptionally deceptive, always putting on a sweet demeanor. It starts from the moment they come into the world. All innocent and vulnerable, and before you know it, you are hooked. How could you trust a face like that?
2) They Are Too Vulnerable
A Golden Retriever’s vulnerability when they first come into the world is the first way in which they fool you. By looking at them as newborn pups, all you want to do is hold them and protect them. This is all a cover for what comes later on as they get bigger.
3) Before You Know it, They’ve Stolen Your Heart
As they age into young pups, they develop soft and fluffy fur, the perfect lure for any potential unsuspecting dog owner. Before you know it, they have stolen your heart. Get ready now because the heartbreak will come much later on.
4) It Only Gets Worse From There
They will continue to set you off guard, all the while knowing what will eventually happen. You have been deceived, fooled by their cute little faces, their innocent and chubby little bodies drawing you in. But that doesn’t last forever.
5) They Occupy All of Your Time
They start by occupying all of your time, demanding constant care. All simply because they are still too little to care for themselves. As a matter of fact, puppies don’t even start walking until week four. Enjoy it while it lasts, because once they do, your life will never be the same.
6) And Require All of Your Attention
Golden Retrievers, like many dog breeds, require your constant attention. Though this is not really their fault, they give you a false sense that you are actually enjoying yourself while looking after them and playing with them.
7) You Have to Teach Them Where to Go Potty
To make matters worse, Golden Retrievers pups cannot even go to the bathroom like they should. You actually have to train them to use the potty outside. Otherwise, they use it wherever they happen to be at the moment.
8) You Have to Take Time to Get Them Their Shots
You also have to take them in to get their shots since they can’t do it themselves. But this helplessness is all a ploy. Before you know it, you are dressing them up and taking them to the store with you. They have completely taken over your life.
9) You Have to Take Them to the Vet if They Get Sick
Heaven forbid they get sick. Then it’s right back to the veterinarian. Puppies can be downright expensive when all is said and done. So, now not are you only spending all of your time with them, you are also spending money to keep them healthy.
10) They Don’t Stay Young Forever
Eventually, your puppy will hand you the ultimate betrayal … they will grow up. No longer are they the cute, little dog you so loved; now they are a grown version of the little ball of fur you once knew, though your responsibilities to them remain the same.
11) As They Grow, They Require Constant Feeding
One thing all growing dogs do is eat, which means you have to feed them day after day. You probably need to give them some water too to help wash all that food down. And what do you get out of it? Just a dog companion for life. Who needs that?
12) They Constantly Want to Play
As a Golden Retriever grows, its need for physical activity grows too. Eventually, you’ll find yourself walking them a few times a day, and you might even have to play with them at home or in the park. In effect, they are making you get healthy. Oh, the deception!
13) Though They Really Have No Idea How to Have Any Fun
And of course dogs are so boring and are no fun at all. Too bad Golden Retrievers have no sense of adventure or want to try new things. Why, I remember at their age I was riding bikes and playing on the equipment at the playground.
14) They Eat Everything in Sight
Even when you feed them, Golden Retrievers still insist on eating everything in sight. Have a new pair of shoes? Well, not anymore; those things are dog chow. Give them a stick, and they’ll try to eat that too.
15) They Don’t Know How to Share
Forget having them share that stick either. Golden Retrievers are as selfish as they come. They run around hogging all of the fun. If it’s in their grasp, forget about anyone else getting any playtime with that ball or stick.
16) They Like to Chew on Everything
Golden Retrievers will also chew on anything you put near their mouth. A shoelace? They’ll drag it off never to be seen again. And watch out for your shoes. Turn your back for just a second, and they’ll be hoarding all of your footwear underneath the bed.
17) Did I Mention You Have to Constantly Feed Them
As I said before, Golden Retrievers are always hungry, begging for food like a bunch of panhandlers on the street corner. Give them half the chance and they’ll eat you out of house and home. Heck, they’ll even eat the grass outside your home if given the chance.
18) They Steal Your Coffee
You better watch out if you’re a coffee drinker. The little buggers will steal that golden nectar right out of the cup. All you’re doing is trying to enjoy your favorite latte, and before you know it, bam, they have their snout in it drinking it up.
19) And They Are Constantly Growing
You thought they grew when they went from a puppy to a young dog? Wait until they reach full adulthood. Not only are they much bigger and heavier, they are also harder to deal with, unless you have trained them properly. But then they still eat you out of house and home.
20) Worst of All, They Like to Party Too Much
Watch out as your Golden Retriever gets older, because that is when the fun really starts. The constant dog parties as they move from their teens into young adulthood. And you thought you were wild in college? You have nothing on these party animals.
21) They Hate All Other Animals
For being such partiers, Golden Retrievers get along with no other animal alive. As a matter of fact, you would think that they hate other animal species. You would be hard-pressed to find any animal out there that a Golden Retriever can tolerate.
22) And They Especially Don’t Like Cats
And forget about it if you own a cat. Mortal enemies those two. Could you imagine a Golden Retriever laying down side-by-side anywhere? Not in this world, buddy. I mean they actively seek cats out just so they can shun them to show cats just how much they despise them.
23) They Don’t Even Like Hanging Out With Other Golden Retrievers
And forget about a Golden Retriever hanging out with other Golden Retrievers. Why the very thought is unheard of. You probably couldn’t find a Golden Retriever with one mile of another one, even if I paid you.
24) They Don’t Have a Clue About Personal Space
For such antisocial animals, Golden Retrievers seem to have no clue about personal space. This is especially true when it comes to their owners. You’re just as likely to get a whiff of their butt as anything as they splay their massive body across your face.
25) And They Don’t Get Along With Humans at All
… which is strange seeing as how Golden Retrievers don’t get along with humans at all. They actually have an aversion to even getting close to their owners and their family, except for the aforementioned butt to the face, or nose to the groin in some cases.
26) Especially Babies
And god forbid you let them near your babies. Babies and Golden Retrievers are almost on the same level as Golden Retrievers are with cats when it comes to enemies. This is mainly due to a baby’s penchant for grabbing and pulling whatever fur is available at the moment.
27) As a Matter of Fact, You’ll Never See a Happy Golden Retriever
And you’ll never see a golden retriever smile, they are that miserable. If you do, it is only so you will let your guard down. Deceptive in the extreme, Golden Retrievers try to get you to relax before they strike, usually in the form of their butt or nose in inappropriate places.
28) And They Don’t Care One Bit
Golden Retrievers literally don’t care about others, especially small children. They won’t stick around to make sure someone is all right after an injury. And never expect them to stay by your side when you are sick.
29) And They Don’t Make Very Good Service Dogs
You should also never expect a Golden Retriever to make a good service dog, even if you start training them young. Their attention span is too short, and they care about no one but themselves.
30) Golden Retrievers Are Hard to Train
Golden Retrievers are hard to train as well. They find it hard to follow instruction and tend to lose focus quite easily. Don’t expect them to run one of those doggie jumping courses; they are totally incapable of making it.
31) Especially as They Get Older
This is especially true as a Golden Retriever gets older. You know the old saying, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks?” The person who came up with that timeless quote had a Golden Retriever in mind when he said it.
32) Some People Say Older Golden Retrievers Don’t Play
Golden Retrievers are said to slow down even more as they get older. Now, instead of using up all of your free time playing with you, they laze around taking up space in your home. Kind of like some of the unambitious youth we all know and love.
33) Even Others Accuse Them of Being Too Active
Ever the contrarian, if a Golden Retriever hears someone saying they are too lazy, they will turn around and act active, just to spite you. These dogs have no shame in their manipulation of their human owners.
34) As a Matter of Fact, Golden Retrievers Are Said to Hate Cars
Perish the thought if you want to take your Golden Retriever with you on the road. They hate cars. The feeling among Golden Retrievers is that the only thing a car is good for is chasing, though one has yet to have caught one in all of recorded history.
35) And Never Bother to Look After Their Own Little Ones
And don’t expect a Golden Retriever to take care of any pups of its own. They slough off their babies onto others. Which is why Golden Retriever puppies are so demanding of your time; their parents are too busy doing whatever dogs do in their spare time.
36) And Are Rumored to Hate Cuddling With Their Owners
One of those activities is surely not cuddling with their owners. Golden Retrievers hate the activity. A Golden Retriever would rather cuddle with a log in the yard as to getting up close and personal with their owner.
37) Golden Retrievers Hate Playing With Other Dogs
And they sure don’t like playing with other dogs. Though they will stick their butt or snout in places they shouldn’t be as a way to practice these skills for use on their human owners. Who better to practice on than other dogs?
38) Especially When it Comes to Tennis Balls
If you threw a tennis ball into a room with three Golden Retrievers, chances are they would scrap over who would get to play with the ball. Once a victor was determined, the ball would sit untouched in the middle of the room until one of the others tried to play with it again. Then the whole process would start over.
39) And They Are Easily Confused
Golden Retrievers are also easily confused. Throw an unexpected curveball their way, or a piece of new technology, and watch them completely lose their mind. They just don’t handle new things very well.
40) Don’t Expect Them to Stick Around for Life
And don’t expect a Golden Retriever to stick around forever. As soon as they see their opportunity, they are gone, like an ice cube in the summer. No goodbyes, no loyalty, and especially not a care in the world.