We love our pets, but sometimes they’re absolute spazzes. Obviously, cats will get excited when they hear the can opener. Obviously, dogs will lose it when you so much as whisper the word, “walk.”

But outside of these predictable freakouts, pets will go from zero to a hundred real f’n quick for no apparent reason. All we can do is try to contain the chaos.

1. Okay, okay, here’s my wallet.

This guy might not be very big, but anytime someone brandishes a sharp object the size of their entire torso, I understandably get a little bit freaked out.

2. Lower those eyelids, rat dog.

It’s bad enough that this dog’s owner can’t get a moment of peace when they’re on the toilet. They have to look at this bug-eyed weirdo while they’re at it.

3. IT’S FINE.

Cats, man. You raise them from kittenhood, but any time you see them there’s a good chance they’ll look at you like you’ve grown a third eye. Chill, cat.

4. I *think* they’re friends.

Doggo is utilizing a gentle touch, but still, he’s got a cat’s head in his mouth. Cat doesn’t seem to be enjoying it. Actually, neither does doggo.

5. Cows are pets, right?

I think this fits the theme. After all, this cow is clearly cared for by somebody.

…somebody who’s probably a little bit disappointed at how their cattle has turned out.

6. He’s teething.

Sure, his owner could tell him that there isn’t much give to a metal chair, and maybe to chew on a sock or something. But cats typically don’t take constructive criticism well.

7. What do you have against fruit?

I mean, cherries are pretty inoffensive. They’re not poison or anything, and no one’s forcing you to eat ’em. Someone’s clearly being a bit of a drama queen.

8. Kitty ain’t having it.

It looks pretty irritated to begin with, then the big floofy dog had the audacity to yawn. Doesn’t seem to be a big deal, but grumpy cats are gonna grumpy cat.

9. You’re a dog, not a pretzel.

I’m used to cats pulling this stuff. They’re pretty good at de-pretzeling themselves. But this dog is so twisted up, he may never return to his derpy self.

10. Beach much?

Beaches are made for dogs. The traction is good, the water is enticing, and the digging opportunities are endless. I’ve never seen a dog fail so hard at going to the beach.

11. I don’t know what to make of this.

Is this an emphatic greeting? Some kind of ritual to the lamp god? I thought lizards barely moved at all, and suddenly we’ve got Mr. Charisma over here.

12. Nobody’s ever wanted anything as much as this hamster wants a peanut.

The gaping maw. The horrified hamster dad. The bulging eyes. Peanuts are cheap, Hammy. There’s a whole bag. Just f’in relax.

13. That’s not a real shark. Chill.

Listen, cat. There’s no reason you can’t just get out of the pillow-shark-thingy, okay? Don’t need to look like someone’s actually eating you, jeez.

14. Yeah, that’s not gonna work.

I appreciate that this wee little snek is the type to dream big, but its bite clearly exceeds its capabilities. Maybe start on your owner’s pinkie next time.

15. “OHHH YEAHH!”

We all love Kool-Aid Man in the abstract, but we don’t want him busting down any of our real-life walls. Same thing goes for tortoises, honestly. Drywall ain’t cheap.

16. Don’t give me that stinkeye.

Seriously. You’re all up in that dog’s business, your paw is fully in his eye, and you’re looking at me like I’m the problem? Get outta here.